Identity crisis?

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Posted by kuotsung | Posted in After-thoughts, Design, Fotographi, Multimedia, Rant & Relieve | Posted on 30-08-2009

So I am done (perhaps) with my revision of History of Phtotography, Deutsch revision seems 80% done as well. But whatever it is, the mood now from the rainy weather and the question so furiously debated in Facebook has gotten me the mood again for some harsh reality check, probably both for me as well as whoever bothers to read this entry.

Among the group of professions, or maybe just practitioners, those who dabble in the field of arts and creativity always find themselves lost. Let’s make it ourselves instead. We so often questioned the goal of our passion. And I meant the ultimate goal. Maybe I sound too far fetch now for I am still 23 and not yet stepped into the field being a full time professional. But don’t we hold that flickering flame in us ever since we took out this practice to engage in a field of occupation so seemingly carefree with the creative-freedom we could be endowed that we forever distanced ourselves from desk-bound jobs most people are contended with?

Underlined the keywords above. Occupation. Carefree. Creative-freedom. Contended.

Occupation. Yes. We need to earn money. We need to be fed and have to feed others. Most notably our parents. So we can do whatever avant-garde, retro, contemporary (fill in any genre you so religiously sticked to) works we like, we love. The thing is the works must be liked and loved by others as well. And the others are sometimes none other than investors, employers, even simple passer-bys and audiences. They are indirectly our source of “zeroes” in our paycheck. So “commercialisation” is the big word on top of the umbrella, UNLESS you managed to put “Self-Employed” above all heirachy. And that is only sustainable if you still consider commercialisation somewhere.

Carefree and creative-freedom. Again, we can enjoy these if we are the bosses. Or at least the directors in a common commercially creative structure. Staying humble I think is the key. Talented we might be, in the eyes of others, especially the superiors, either we are deemed inferior (that’s why they are the superiors), or what we did was never enough or the best. I mentioned before, my former RSM said: “Don’t always think you had done the best, when in the eyes of others you had done just enough”. Strip the airs of “I know” and put on that jacket only when the environment calls. You will feel the comfort. Conversely, telling one self “I sucks” is not easy, but I think it helps.

Contended. I will always remember my professor for Understanding Singapore Society, Lim Chee Han, once asked, “So what if you study?” Get a degree. “So what you get a degree?”. To secure a good job in the future. “So what you secure a good job in the future?” To be rich? “So what if you are rich?” So we can be happy? This is a question of life and the answers will be similar most of the time for most people. Then is the process important since (maybe) contention and happiness are the eventual answers we sought?

Studying in Arts, Design and Media in NTU, maybe the order of the name gave away the clues. Arts (artistic development) in the foundation year, Design (conceptual development) in the 2nd and 3rd years, and Media (commercial development) in the final year. Ok. I am crapping. But I always feel ADM is too much of an artistic school for my liking than a design school which I am more comfortable with. So with people in my school feeling otherwise I am quite baffled. If they are right, I feel we should all feel blessed. In my opinion, a pure Arts school who can give you all freedom you wished for in your productions with no development of commercial intend is a degeneration to Arts they feel so attached to. I am capitalistic inclined. Pardon me.

So in the hoohah of self-identity search, my direction I gave myself is clear. Get the f**k out of school if I think I cannot get beneficial knowledge out of it. Simple. No point harping over what the school cannot provide over what I wished to be doing. I heard that umpteen times since my Poly days. If you think you have seen enough, you probably have not. So complaining over what one’s want to do but not getting them in school curriculum, maybe quitting is the resolution. If something stops you from doing that, answer to yourself frankly. Maybe it is just a transcript of the bachelor that holds you back. No surprise here in Singapore. Then revised Chee Han’s question once more. Lying to yourself is the greatest enemy to self-improvement. I still sucks in this myself.

Weekends can be spent sleeping all you want if that is what makes you happy. Pondering over the above all the time is not healthy. I am convincing myself too. So do what you like or something outside your major is. You might not even have school on all 5 weekdays. So any valid excuse? But always stop-check and braced youself against the harshest reality the society got to offer for us being adults are responsible for. And to my NTU friends, do take up some electives you really like. Busy-happy is better than slacking-piss.

My 2 cents.

Resumed

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Posted by kuotsung | Posted in After-thoughts | Posted on 29-08-2009

After so long without blogging, I’m back. I have being too taken aback by what had happened since my school term started. Not somethings of bad happenings, but too much things were coming concurrently to really have my thoughts focus. So random. I am revising my History of Photography when the feel of blogging comes.

All’s good. I have yet to conclude my Western Australia travel experience.

Watch this space.

g®ãntěđ != låstēď

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Posted by kuotsung | Posted in After-thoughts, Rant & Relieve | Posted on 16-08-2009

The above had been my MSN nick for more than a year. It held a deep feeling inside me after my 21st birthday.

Just for decorative purposes, the symbols and words could still be decoded, as intended. The deeper message lies in the container and the relationships. Geeky, it’s actually a short php code, which cannot be seen because <? & ?>, opening and closing tags of php, could not presented in the title. “!=” is the generic symbolism of “not equals to” in most programming language. There goes the message. It could be read now, correctly, if it had not been done so.

Well, it was a wish made on, or rather after, my 21st birthday. Something I had been trying hard to achieve for 5 months prior to my birthday. So in a way, I got a hand to that wish being granted. I was really happy. I really was. So finally a birthday wish could be so divine, probably it’s 21st, that it came true.

For the above message to be my MSN nick for over a year of course spelt the outcome of my wish. Granted is not equal to lasted. But the story cannot end just like that. Life is about learning. And from then on, having my intended outcome granted should not be the end of all hardwork or belief. Time is a factor in learning to cherish. We should always try to preserve whatever good things, good times to the longest our abilities can afford to, isn’t it?

The sad truth is, many a times, some things are just beyond our limits of control. And for that matter, “you knew very well, yet you don’t know anything at all, even if you are reading this entry written because of you. But I know you would not even chanced upon this”. YHL.

一次就够?

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Posted by kuotsung | Posted in After-thoughts | Posted on 09-08-2009

人活着有这么多第一次。 但是否一次就够?

好玩的, 不防多来一次。
可怕的, 为何多吓一次?
兴奋的, 多想期待一次。
紧张的, 还想冒汗一次?
痛恨的, 别再遇见一次。
伤害的, 就那最后一次。

世上那么多好坏之事, 给我们碰了一次, 未来想要几次, 多少我们心里有数。 只怕不在我们能力范围之内的事, 为了多那一次其实已付出了多少光阴。 五年, 八年, 十年?

如果等待能再来一次, 你愿意吗?

我还不如去寻找下一个第一次?

有时侯, 一些事真的一次就够。

但又有时候, 贪婪的我们总会说服自己: “就那最侯一次”。

8 days Southern Curl, W.A, Travelogue Day 7, 8

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Posted by kuotsung | Posted in After-thoughts, Fotographi, Travel | Posted on 03-08-2009

Day 7 was early. I was shivering in bed on the upper deck. I did not bother to check the time. Neither did I bother to find out why the heater below was so poor in keeping me warm, when I thought this last night should be the best I would be spending in Western Australia.

It could not be help I guess. Margaret River was surprisingly cold. The night before while I was out to take stars exposures, I had to don my gloves on, the first occasion in the entire trip for me to do so. It was no doubt warmer in the morning. But our car parked outside the gate returning the key for our early check out said it all. It was like a metal meat brought out of the freezer thawing.

DSC_0179_01 Budgeting done the night before showed us we had quite a substantial amount to spend for this last day before we departed for Singapore at 11.15pm. Good food would be our best bet. Our dinner got to be spent with Lester and Baoqi as well. About a 3-hour journey from Margaret River to Perth with more destinations to reach in between spell out the itinerary in between.

Urban Bean was our breakfast place. Directed again by Lonely Planet, it was an affordable meal, if not a filling meal, in Margaret River. Why I said that was because comparing to Keyuan’s order, Vincent’s and mine looked appetising and fulfilling. Streets were clear, so was the sky. Enjoying the breakfast in the cool sunny morning was heavenly. Talking about blending in with the locals, we seemed to do it at this very last day!

DSC_0187_01DSC_0190_01 DSC_0193_01

We headed back to the route taking us to Augusta. Although kinda inflexible, our budget allowed us to visit Jewel Cave, which cost AD$19.50 per entry! And Vincent and Keyuan were rather keen to visit. Having visited some caves in China Beijing and Vietnam Halong Bay, I somehow concluded all caves in the world are rather similar. Jewel Caves did not prove my hypothesis wrong either.

DSC_0004_01 Jewel Cave was interesting only because the guide managed to create some interactivity with us by playing with the light switches. Maybe it scored in the area of injecting adventure as well since their walkway constructions were not too easy to navigate. But I was hoping the lightings could be more colourful with variations. It would result in more beautiful photographic shots for the tourists. And this brought me to another issue which disallowed me to use tripod while inside the cave. For what reasons I could not fathom.

DSC_0081_01DSC_0053_01Drove back up north again, this time we went to Chocolate Factory. Slowly we began to see more cars gathered. At least we were looking like really visiting some tourism spots. A short tour had to be done. Too much time was spent on Jewel Cave and upon reaching Chocolate Factory it was around 12.35pm. Anyway, it was just like a routine shopping stop with chocolates being the only products found to be purchased. But still, the adults would not mind, much less the kids!

Margaret River region is famous for their wineries. Practically it seemed impossible to gauge which one would be the best to visit with cellars and vineyards scattering so densely around the region. Clairault was what Keyuan chose in the end. Like our visit to the Chocolate Factory, free samples were given. Most will know I am more interested in this than chocolates! Cocktails are my field of interest. For wine, I still have a long way to go to fully understand the appreciation. After 3 samplings of Shiraz, Port and Riesling each, I guessed the owner could tell what a newbie we were.

DSC_0086_01 Packed my Riesling into the car, we wrapped up our journey of Margaret River and continued heading North to Busselton. We looked well on time as it was 1+pm as we left for Busselton. But to reach Perth city around evening at 6+pm, we got to leave where ever we are at 3pm, the latest, and begin travelling back which can take 3+ hours.

The weather had been at its best all day. There was no clouds at all. Absolutely no clouds! Our visit to Busselton Jetty was only spoilt by the ongoing constructions midway through the jetty. If only we could go all the way to the end of the Jetty which was 1.8+km in length, we would be able to proclaim another ‘feat’ of landing ourselves on the ‘Longest Jetty in the Southern Hemisphere’!

DSC_0125_01 DSC_0142_01 There had the most crowd in a place of interest we had seen in our entire travel. As I mentioned earlier, blending in with the crowds was crucial, and especially in travels, you might more often be able to find good stuffs you otherwise might miss in places devoid of humans. So the gems we unearthed was actually ice cream! Held in hand by most people in and out of the jetty, ice cream had become our lunch.

DSCF0909 Time was well clocked. Estimated time of arrival showed 6.15pm. We knew we had reached the end of our Southern Curl. Looking at the sceneries passing us as we travelled the final phase of this adventure was a reality strike. The heavenly feel of travel inevitably ends prematurely, always, with a hit of stressful realisation that routines will soon resume. As vistas and lawns of countryside sped past us, I seemed to think the past 7 days had only begun yesterday. You never feel the time until the end of a time frame.

We chased sunset once more on our way back to Perth. I was in 2 minds on where and when to stop along the highway. Either the rays were still harsh on my lens, or the foreground was not as good as the last we past by. I was in contemplation. I mentioned before missing a sunset was not the end of the world. But missing it the last time in Western Australia with time in my control would be a slap in the face. Vincent pulled ahead immediately at my request. After running straight to the fence, shutters were clicking non-stop. I felt I lost a minute or two. A sun setting does so real quick. Half of the ‘yolk’ had already been buried below the horizon. The silhouettes of the trees I loved to include in the frame could only make up that much.

DSC_0176_01 So be it. I knew I cannot expect to be rewarded with such wishy-washiness. For I needed 3 days to fill my 8GB memory card, it took me less than half an hour snapping away a 2GB card inside the car out of the window, with the hope of salvaging some sunset frames. Fat hope.

Arriving at Perth was exciting for the first day. Arriving there again was terrible for the last day. After picking up Lester and Baoqi from their apartment, we cruised to their recommendation site for our dinner. 3 huge pizzas were shared amongst us 1 hour later.

Time was short. Immediately after our dinner, we proceeded to their campus for a shot of group photo in front of the main tower (or hall). It seemed to be a tourist attraction anyway, so why not? Last stop of our tour got to be a finale glimpse of the city we landed. Atop the hills at Kings Park was where everybody jumped about. The excitement was only secondary. Main reason was to fight the chilling wind!

DSC_0282_01 Kings Park Grp_01 Soon after snapping the night panoramic view of Perth city skyline below, both on my camera and on my mind, another group photo in front of the cityscape was the last frame my camera was exposed for this trip.

All was too familiar back at the airport. Returning the car was so swift we kinda regretted not renting it right from the first day of the tour. Got my liqueur. Checked. No souvenirs to be bought at the airport. Checked. Stomach filled. Not bothering me. The timing of the flight was just nice for me to pay back the sleep debt I was already in at Margaret River.

Day 8 at Changi Airport was cold. Place was cold. People were cold. Probably too early. Still, a quick wash up was done and we proceeded straight for a local breakfast (wanton mee!) after our DFS shopping was done.

My parents were expected to show up, despite my constant persuasion to them that the time could be well spent sleeping at home. I did not like the idea still, as I would be kinda stressful eating my breakfast while they were waiting. Fetching home from holidays at airport seemed like a ritual to them. But you cannot deny the fact of how relieve you will be, seeing your kin at the airport after so long away from home.

To cap this entire tour with a sour note, I lost my ice wine worth S$69! With things happening so fast, I only realised my ice wine was not in the cab after a mile away from the arrival hall. The cab driver was “kind” enough to bring me back, allowing me to ask the uncles handling the trolleys if I missed it there. What I remembered was the driver was very helpful in loading my luggage up the trunk of the cab and he actually gave the trolley a hard push away. I am quite sure the ice wine was not left there after giving it a second look before I left. I did not doubt the integrity of the staffs at the airport as well. That could only bring the suspect to one person.

I swear the ice wine was in my trolley before I board the cab….

Anyway, last few photos for the final Day 7 & 8 of the trip are here in my Facebook album.