Posted by kuotsung | Posted in After-thoughts | Posted on 29-01-2010
Why is it so hard to quit? I thought I am almost succeeding. I am so proud of myself. Yet the occurances, the apperances, the chances all came back again. I pulled myself out of the sludge since new year day. I cannot make the mistake again. It was not an easy decision altogether. Someone does not know them all. Nevermind. The one I could not lie is myself.
Honesty does not elude me when I was making the effort. Time begins to dilute the heavy memories then. I am succeeding. For the efforts in making myself feels better, for once in my life I think I should NOT become a better man.
Honesty escapes me now. I buried myself in heaps of lights blinding me from you. Other than the night sky, how I hate a room creeping of darkness. But thank goodness it was throughout the entire duration that night when darkness was very much needed. Any more moment of you as clear as my resolution I would be sinking even deeper. Still, I escaped the room, for a moment, as I escaped my determination, for I know I cannot determine the truth to myself as I once was firm of.
It still is till now. Crap.
How useless of me to crumple after just a month.
Beginning of February to look forward to… Learning to hate takes a whole new lesson.. So is answering to myself truely..