cong a.k.a jordana site of me and updates (will change soon)

Chronic pain is nothing new to me. The on and off pain from my lower back slip disc has already been one unfortunate area in my life I have come into acceptance.

Sending out one-way resumes is nothing new to me. The occasional chances of bring interviewed only to be told that they will consider and call me again is one unfortunate reality I have to deal with currently.

Holidays are so feared by me. I do not need the long breaks. I am a workaholic. I need the satisfaction from working my socks off in order for me to really enjoy my days. No one can overestimate me if they think I do not know how to enjoy life. But I just need the hard work for me to really make my enjoyment a deserved one. Chronic enjoyment. So pathetic.

These few days of neck sprain really kinda brought me bed-ridden. I realised I have not been really enjoying my vacation since my Australia Perth trip almost a year back. I questioned myself why do I have to sustained myself to a load and pressure of as if the whole family needs my bread-winning.

Health is really just the wealth people needs, or at least I need. I can forget about working, or enjoying anything if my neck and back are so screwed. Vacations now give me so much of lessons to be learnt. CSS language was my prize last semester of vacation. This period of vacations gotta be more prized and valued.

Seemed like self-consolation eh? Being happy is so not easy. But I still think that is basis of life. Will anyone share this sentiment as me?

Never mind if you do not. I once promised you that I will take care of myself so I can take care of, not just you anymore unfortunately, but others.

The chronic pain extends more than my neck and back, surely.

I am still championing this word. A stressful word. I have so many things to accept myself. Thinking I had overcome alot of imperfections, I am just only conquering the mole hill. Being someone of such perfectionist, I am appalled with my conditions of accepting. But no regrets.

I am not loosening up by the way, never at all in any way all along. Uncompromising compromises were surreal.

By the way,

not accepting ≠ reject
not good ≠ bad
withhold ≠ distrust

Could these be accepted? I can accept the nonacceptance. But sadly it works only one way in that case.

Wow, how long since I last blogged?!

But I just recently read 2 very important posts to another person who meant so much to me…

I know I am getting somewhere, not is still in the middle of nowhere.. No one will know what I am saying other than the one whom I read to… You won’t believe what I have been doing these few days of no-contact. I am stunned myself..

A blog post published 4 days later… Insignificant after just 4 days… End this post… A new post shall begin…