cong a.k.a jordana site of me and updates (will change soon)

2 hours 11 minutes into my 24th year of life the moment I started this sentence. 1986 was the year I was bornt in. I think it was close to 8.40pm being the exact time I was delivered. I love my IC numbers, 2124 being part of it, similarly my handphone, 9296 being part of it, a series of numbers I carried ever since I got my mobile line. 0317519 was my polytechnic matriculation student number and a number easily remembered, I believed for my whole life, much so than my current university number which I easily forget everytime. All were odd numbers, not that I love odd numbers, but the arrangement was cohesive to me in a particularly manner. I had successfully, and fortunately, took 2 complete cycles past the Chinese 12 zodiac animals. Up till now, I believed I am owing bank and school a cumalative rounded total amount of $21,000 for my education. 8 years back I was thinking what it will be like during the World Cup 2002 at Japan/Korea that 8 years later will feel like at age 24. No special feelings. I felt more wise. I am glad. Setting a target for another 4 and 8 years later actually to me is unrealistic. But nonetheless at age 28 and 32 seems like a wonderful milestone for a guy. Richer and wiser would be appropriate! By the way, 3, 6 and 9 I always felt them to be my lucky numbers.

Numbers, humans quantification. Even the time now could not even be verified as real time. But I love my birthdate, 26th July 1986.

1 more day to my birthday. Initially I was fearful of going through the day, do not ask me why. My cousins came today for a pre-celebration and also as a bidding of farewell for my departure to Toronto next month. But so extensively out for the week this week that I am always grogy and slept alot so far.
但怎么睡脑子里还是有她。都不知还在怕什么。原本还认为我已很豁达，起床后却才发现24岁或许是个借口。
太好了，24岁。我想我对自己的未来更明朗。别怕咯。别人的想法我无需太在意。
想起364天前的过去还感触良多。最为值得反省的莫过于言语上的考量。曾经说过言语是多么有杀伤力的。昨天我又再犯。好后悔。是该有所检讨了。对不起。
只剩下24天我就飞了。恐慌。似乎有太多事还没应付。今天的我只想睡。什么都不想想，除了你。
美味的晚餐吃得开心。我想我得在我离开前去吃吃更多的新加坡美食了。
最后，不晓得你是否会读到这post，反正也没人看，我还担心什么。给我个反应吧。
该做的我一定做得到~ 还有，除了你，希望火车站的纪录片会是我这24天的动力。

今天是她的试镜。（现在是11:11！） 我很早起身。累却睡不着。3天了都是这样。第8次去火车站，我会没感觉吗？作好这个documentary project 我想是我给自己最好的礼物。但更希望会接到一通好消息的来电。

A quick post… Feeling so heavy-minded with so many stuffs going on in my head. Exchange accommodation scores the highest with the ever-increasing problem they can pose to me. I do not believe I could not find a place to sleep over there at Toronto. Bad time to go? NEVER!

I am heaping upon myself with loads of pressure to sustain my railway documentary. The workaholic nature is acting up again. My house is already so small yet I felt so little interaction with my family, especially my parents. Considering I am going to be away after 29 more days, the invisible container around me is getting tinier. Bear with me. My areas in the house will soon be spankly-clean, I promised.

The weather is so inconsistent nowadays that the sun is somehow welcomed here in Singapore. Tomorrow there will be 2 suns, and both will be lovely. The warmth I hope to carry it over to the cold and bitterness of Canadian climate. Can?

As long as my back would not break, I can still tahan (sustain) the load…

I am feeling so drained these few weeks. My self-inspired plans for the holidays never materialised much. Hate this kind of self-delusional appraisals when the plans were made. Seems like I totally couldn’t achieve anything.

Confidence is always what I preached to others. As if I have tonnes of it that I could empower the rest. Maybe I have none, instead of tonnes. It just comes and goes. Dreamy, I just wanna sleep. Sleep away for another 39 days to break out of Singapore-ly affairs.

Surprises were made for others. White-lying in the process just to make surprises. Impressions casted were then so hard to wield away. You made sense to say that I shouldn’t even be allowing myself to be misunderstood. You made sense.

Deleted many mails, but I not yet felt liberated. Sian... Decisions are holding me back to what I should do comes the time. Past experiences still haunts me.

Incoherent Sunday. Slept for so long yet feel so hangover. Alcohol maybe is the cure tonight?

Lifting someone up is always so easy than to support one’s own weight. Try it and see. I don’t seem to mind both and am always doing both. 1+1=2

After tonight I guessed It’s time to hatch into airplane mode for a few days or more….. (P.S I am no alcoholic lah)

没办法，感觉到了，但只有下了几杯烈酒才会想部落格。
坏死了，对吧。酒伤身，却还要猛罐。能醉最好。但我哪那么容易醉…
好人难做。真想做坏人。好人有谁会体恤？好人像白痴。被人耍，被人玩弄在手心。
开心有多难？很难！有些人却把我给与他的开心祝福当垃圾。生气能多久？算了。我仍希望你会开心。
语无伦次？可悲。情感的抒发竟要借酒精来开启。我或许没你们想像得那么好吧？
24了不掉泪。倒数45天离开所有一切。我连愿望都不敢许了。
当你认为酒是负属品，you could be wrong…
我就爱喝酒，但我是坏人吗？