cong a.k.a jordana site of me and updates (will change soon)

Argh!!!! I lost 1 of my gloves!! I couldn’t believe it!!! I felt so sick. Why am I so careless….

It was a good pair of gloves. Not entirely keeping me out of the cold, but it was leather, thin and waterproof. At least I could feel my camera without it being too thick.

I think most importantly it was bought with my mum when we were shopping for winterwear specifically for this exchange. Gosh. Hate the feeling. Especially now left one side of the pair. I rather I lost both sides. Sigh~

有一个人，他向我求助。他要我帮他从学校借个摄影器材。我很不情愿，但我还是去帮他借了。我比他需要用到的时间还早拿到。我给了他个简讯。我没得到答复。我打给他，他当时所在的地方离我有1个小时半的车程。他根本不可能在如他所说15分钟后拿到。没关系，或许他迟些会来同我拿。
我赶着去牛车水办我的事，买杂货，时不时都担心会没接到他的回复。5点多了。离原定的时间已是两小时。很生气。我好像白借了那器材。不是很重，但可能因为这个我得特地跑回学校还。隔天是拜六耶。
我给他最后一个简讯告诉他我已回家，如果还需要的话就来我家拿，毕竟我们住的距离不远，离学校也不远。他还是不理。
我给他发了共3个简讯加1通电话，他只会我一则和听个电话。
礼拜六我不想出门。但以为他会拿去用并且帮我还，我说明那器材会在隔天的中午还。现在搞得明天我得踏出门回去学校就只因要还个我没用到的东西。这么冷的天气一出门又得全副武装。
对于他人处事的无知，我真的很无奈。我们两个都是白痴。不过这个共同点我会让它消失。

So often people are so short-sighted that they are bringing so much inconvenience to others. If you had know that so many others had already planned something WITHOUT involving you and yet keep squeezing in without feeling ashame, I feel so sorry for you.

I bear no grudges, you are welcome to join ONLY if you acknowledged or were asked early. Too bad sometimes it is just too late and you should carry on your life. Itinerary switching here and there is a taboo in travelling and dare I say the plans would not work out now. Mark my words here and let it be verified a week later.

And for those who are so “accommodating” that “anything” could be done and yet you yourself is not doing, good luck.

I am controlling the temper to the extend that hurling abuses would only hurt relationship, not that I dare not flare up. My displeasure will still show when needed for immediate actions and justification to be made. I am giving in alot of times.

Many occasions I cannot be expected to be the cool guy performing under pressure. That should be the way I know. But for goodness sake other than this blog for me to have the outlet could I be given that little bit of space to release the grudge!? F**k off you sh*t. If only I see you just once a lifetime, this is what you gonna get from me.

Let see if I can remember the bad stuffs so consistently happening to me recently, and try to extract the positivity from each:

- Sunday night before I slept realised there is an essay to be handed the next day. I started reading the text required, hoping to complete it asap. But it just could not be registered into my mind. Screw it. I am so tired. So I drafted an email to my professor telling her my bad and notifying her I would be able to do a better work that is only if I hand in on Tuesday. Not a request, since I already made my mind on not handin the next day. I accept my fault for the penalty of late submission, but I rather myself working wholeheartedy than rushing things out.

- nw I remember another thing before this. There was a tour at 2pm that Sunday afternoon on Massey hall bring part of the culture day activity. I was getting ready by 1.15pm, thinking we are to meet at 1.30pm, only to find out we are to leave at 1.30pm. Some dilly dally and we set off, with me emphasizing before that I will be buying film for my camera and 2 burgers for lunch, en route to the meeting point. The burger queue was long and 15 minutes were wasted. We once again rushed hurriedly over to the place to buy my film only to realise I overshoots the shop we were supposed to go. I was shown body languages of blames soon after the instance. Forget it then, I thought. It didn’t take me long to make the decision of not buying the film. Being late for the tour is because of the burger queue. If only we move out earlier, at 1.15pm. Good grief. The tour was not missed by much and it was absolutely fantastic, by the way! No film to capture the beautiful interior was a waste. No positivity to take from here. I accept partly my fault, not to say the other was definitely his to take. I will do it my way next time. And I insist.

Tuesday I was determine to do my assignment as plan. Go to each door of my apartment and knock on their door to ask for permission to shoot out of their balcony. I knocked a total of about 7 doors. 2 replied positively and I went in. The other had no responses. The 3rd one was hesitant. Then a strong guy walked past and warned me that I could no proceed to do it anymore. He was the superintendant of the building and I reckoned the project gonna failed beyond my scope of intention. The worse part was when I was heading back to my unit, a guy kinda like spotted me and caught me out of the lift. Presumably he was the husband of one of the “kind” lady who let me in to shoot. He “apologised” to me saying that he had no choice but to take my student card and copy it down as a proof check to prevent scam. Damn it.

I don’t care after so many things happening. I didn’t do much wrong. Luck is lacking.

I have been not been sleeping enough ever since I came to Toronto, at least physcologically I feel that way. I never slept past 11am ever.

It is always felt like I have things to do, no matter how I prioritize my work. With school work piling up, 24 hours seemed even shorter. Flushing system spoilt adds to my woes. Thanks. The next trouble now is to find a shop that sells the worn-out accessories inside. And the time-consuming task after that is to find the place on the map and walk miles again. Whew!

3rd week into school and I still have to shed some sweat over my time-table scheduling. Seemed as though everyweek I gotta walk into a class full of unknowns and reintroduced myself “hi, I am Jordan, an exchange student, I came from Singapore” etc.

Gonna do it now again!

Wow, how long since I last blogged?!

But I just recently read 2 very important posts to another person who meant so much to me…

I know I am getting somewhere, not is still in the middle of nowhere.. No one will know what I am saying other than the one whom I read to… You won’t believe what I have been doing these few days of no-contact. I am stunned myself..

A blog post published 4 days later… Insignificant after just 4 days… End this post… A new post shall begin…