cong a.k.a jordana site of me and updates (will change soon)

I left with just 1 assignment and this is killing me. I could just heck care about it and do not bother. But I cannot.

It will cost me almost another 100 bucks to do this project. I am left with little budget left. I am already trying to keep my indulgences low but this is really a costly city to stay alive.

I should be happily planning my travel now but I am left with no mood for that. The fatigue that will build up over the leg of travel is surely gonna hit me hard. All for the positivity during the planning. I know it will be a challenge. Probably because of the winter. I do not like tired travel. The body strength could be sustained even with very little sleep, afterall it is travel. But I am not sure how long I could sustain that. Probably it is a blessing to have his absence in some leg of the trip. I get no good night sleep in his presence actually.

Less than 2 weeks left in Toronto and almost a month till I go home. I need to get ruled by my mind. Emotions stand no way.

Like my assignment though, harder than it seems.

有一个人，他向我求助。他要我帮他从学校借个摄影器材。我很不情愿，但我还是去帮他借了。我比他需要用到的时间还早拿到。我给了他个简讯。我没得到答复。我打给他，他当时所在的地方离我有1个小时半的车程。他根本不可能在如他所说15分钟后拿到。没关系，或许他迟些会来同我拿。
我赶着去牛车水办我的事，买杂货，时不时都担心会没接到他的回复。5点多了。离原定的时间已是两小时。很生气。我好像白借了那器材。不是很重，但可能因为这个我得特地跑回学校还。隔天是拜六耶。
我给他最后一个简讯告诉他我已回家，如果还需要的话就来我家拿，毕竟我们住的距离不远，离学校也不远。他还是不理。
我给他发了共3个简讯加1通电话，他只会我一则和听个电话。
礼拜六我不想出门。但以为他会拿去用并且帮我还，我说明那器材会在隔天的中午还。现在搞得明天我得踏出门回去学校就只因要还个我没用到的东西。这么冷的天气一出门又得全副武装。
对于他人处事的无知，我真的很无奈。我们两个都是白痴。不过这个共同点我会让它消失。

听完了张宇的雨一直下，现在外边风不停地往窗户敲打。好吵，好难入睡。
咳嗽也让我很懊恼。我得尽快好起来。
3个月前我总有个梦。随着一天天我即将离去的到来，这梦越来越遥远。终究是个梦吧。
今晚入睡前满脑都是你。但这个冬天不太冷。它来得太早。
唉，明天一定很累。

咳嗽很辛苦。在外国咳嗽更辛苦。本来一切好好的。要不是因为一些无枉之灾，根本就相安无事。
很快就要回国咯！迫不及待。累死了。不明白。我只读4科，感觉上我比任何人还累。脑筋不停地在转，想着要怎么执行。精神上损耗不少，却鲜少人知。
华盛顿之旅都还没写完。唉。
我要努力，我要成功。这已成了我在这下半段的日子里的动力。没人在我身边给与我力量，短讯音讯画面也只能鼓励我如此。
在这我有两袋咖啡。一袋比另一袋好喝。每天早上我都只允许自己从那不好喝的一袋取出一包咖啡粉。我认为我在功课上还没做出令自己满意的表现。所以我不能先享受那好喝的咖啡。但我知道，当我喝完了不好喝的咖啡后，会有很多机会喝到好喝的。先苦后甜吗？我自己的一个比较烂的比喻。哈。
脑子里不听地播放着容祖儿的「我的骄傲」。是琴弦。

Let this be the beginning of my travelogue since I arrived in Toronto almost 3 months back.

I decided against blogging the tours to nearby Ontario places like Montreal, Quebec and niagara falls because strangely I did not feel like travelling in those days. Weird. Probably we rented car? Probably the group size? I had no idea.

Anyway, 10pm on 12th November megabus promptly left Toronto coach terminal for Philadelphia. It is gonna en route to Washington DC. Junfeng and Clement were already in Philadelphia a night earlier. DC interest me more. So in this leg of the tour I am alone. Perhaps that is why I can write this now inside the bus.

Travelling towards Pennsylvania now in the darkest highway roads I could never have imagine, although Canada’s highways are no less brighter, it is so conducive to sleep, IF NOT for the bright lights this leg of the driver chose to on!

That explains why I can stay up at 5am local time blogging this. For goodness sake, not only will the darkness allows me at least to sleep, despite the other passengers are snoring, I can also look at the wide canvas night sky of stars if I choose to.

Could not really see the milky way. Far less exciting than southern hemisphere one which I saw in Perth. Surprising.

Small leg room and lagged wifi. Perhaps megabus will still be considerably better than greyhound which I will take in a long course of travel at end of semester. Let’s look forward to it!

I will use my scarf to cover my eyes meanwhile for a nap till 8.15am arrival time.

2 more months plus to going back Singapore. Seems too soon to go back but kinda dread that it’s still another 2 months.

My dream has ended. All what was supposed to be have wonderful ending has come to a premature stop. I should have known. I wilfully let it continue, only building and inflicting self-injuries.
A new dream has to be weaved, with all the worse to be prepared for. My time has been worthy so far.

Am I trying too hard or am I not trying hard enough? Or trying should not even be attempted? “Do” is the appropriate word right? That was what you mentioned before.

Need a slap of reminders.. I need reminders, always.. I need it from others…

It took me like 6-8 years to become what I am today, what I am proud of myself. Recently it has occured to me that certain people and some parts of society demanded me to exhibit the darker side of me. These are attributes and characteristics I spent so much effort from correcting over the years. A word of advice, you do not want to see me in that state. So please do not push it too far. Let me reitirate again, if this is gonna be the last time we meet, it would not take me a 2nd thought to show you what I am capable of, for the worse.

Thought of you today. The cold is not fearful, the dying of hope is. If you give me your hands, I would keep it warm as long as I can.

Sometimes, let’s just not waste time…

~for you…

So tired and sleepy. Yet the action of falling asleep is so tormenting… You filled every corner of my mind…

好心真的会有好报吗？

我不期望回报。但为何我感受不到一丝的appreciation？

在世界的土地上踩过的足迹越多，感慨得越多。真感激我父母的所有调教，for what I am today.

看着我朋友开着车在这旅途专心得载着我们，还真羡慕。人高马大，与我们租来的7-seater真是一体，绝配。说到羡慕，我还真不知我最后一次妒忌是何时。

唉。很向往一个简单但圆满的人生。说我肤浅吧，不过不会达到我这人生目标的事我不会花太多心思。相反的，抓住的幸福我也不会轻易放手。